Why We Need Mascots

A good mascot provides laughs and lighthearted distraction between play. Great mascots inspire and captivate entire stadiums. They move people to the brink of tears then dry their eyes with childlike enthusiasm.
The Philly Phanatic, Bernie Brewer, the Phoenix Suns Gorilla. All these figures are heroes, legends in the sporting world. They have surpassed the role of normal mascots and taken their place as deities of the game, synonymous with the very team they represent.
How many green alien things do you know that wear a Phillies jersey? Not many.
Where do you turn your attention every time a homerun is hit in Miller Park? You look to leftfield so you can watch Bernie slide down his slide.
How often do you see a primate do flips off of a trampoline and dunk a basketball in a zoo or the wild? Maybe twice a week, or less.
Mascots are deeply ingrained in the history of the world and you may not even realize it. What was Captain America? He was a superhero, a symbol. He did things no other man could. He stood for something greater than himself. Sounds like a mascot to me.
Johnny Cash spoke for the oppressed and downtrodden. ‘Man in Black’ is a lyrical representation of his purpose and why he did what he did. He wasn’t about personal fanfare, Cash was a team player. That’s the sign of a damn good mascot.
Mascots don’t even need to be living people. Mr. Met is one of baseball’s historic symbols and he’s an inanimate object. The Brewers have a group of the most popular mascots in the world with the Racing Sausages. You can turn anything into a mascot, as long as people can feel its spirit.
Mascots are so pivotal in American sports that College Gameday’s own Lee Corso pays homage to them each week during the college football season. As he makes his pick before each game he places the respective mascot head atop his own, basking in the omnipotence that comes with the uniform. 
Wouldn’t we all like to feel that loved some day? Is it not everyone’s dream to reach the pinnacle of their potential and represent greatness?
Now may be that time.
A rare opportunity has arisen for any student willing to lead an army of bright young men and women. The University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point is looking for “an outgoing person that likes to entertain and have fun” to fill the role as the legendary Stevie Pointer.
This position is not for the weak and meager. Anyone attempting to succeed as Stevie needs to have certain qualities: heart, determination, spunk, a strong bladder, and an incessant urge to be a part of something monumental.
Being a great mascot takes time, dedication, and a lot of hard work. The Brotherhood of Mascots has no time for a lone wolf. You must become one with the team and become a symbol which represents them. You are not the main course; you are the gravy that flows across the perfectly mashed potatoes.
If anyone believes they possess the fortitude to take up the mantle of Stevie Pointer inquire to UWSP Mascot Supervisor Mike Okray.
Remember, you don’t don the suit for you, but for us all. Wear it well.
Gus Merwin

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