The world is obnoxiously serious. But it doesn’t have to be. This column is testament to that. In a life full of nuisance, pain, and strife there can be found a rich abundance of hilarity and laughter. Sports may seem a trivial and complex choreographed performance, but it’s really just a game. And what are games? Fun. Just like this column.
You need to be a badass to be a hockey player. You need to be able to rock sick flow and a shirt and tie with equal enthusiasm. And few do it better in the Wisconsin Intercollegiate Conference than junior forward Kyle Heck.
How old were you when you first started skating?
“Two and a half.”
Approximately how many times have you fallen on the ice since then?
What’s your favorite thing about nachos?
Is your slapshot better than Happy Gilmore’s?
If you could go pro in a sport other than hockey, which would it be?
Would you rather drink out of the Stanley Cup or the Goblet of Fire?
“Stanley Cup for sure.”
Who let the dogs out?
Do you have Gangnam Style?
“No, hate that song.”
How often do you sharpen your skates?
“Two times a week.”
Would you rather have a break up song written about you by Taylor Swift or Adele?
What’s the first thing you do when you get home from a game?
“Eat as much food as I can.”
What advice would you give to kids developing an interest in hockey?
“Stick with it as long as you can, best sport in the world.”
Puck: “I want it.”
Mighty Ducks: “Wu, Wu, Wu, Kenny Wu.”
Pointers: “1 Point.”
Zamboni: “Me, because I always fall down.”
Deep fried Oreos: “Gross.”
Bacon shortage: “How do pigs go extinct?”