Dear Pointer Business Manager,

“My relationship is getting stale. What should I do?”

It seems that you are currently suffering a shift in your product demand curve. But, do not worry! It is most likely that your aggregate demand, and demand for substitute goods, has stayed constant, or even increased!

What I recommend is a paradigm shift to retailor your supply to penetrate other market segments. This could always be done with a merger, but remember, a merger always requires a great supply of liquid capital, and can get pretty sticky for both parties. What I recommend is product testing with focus groups. Groups of four or five people testing your product at the same time in a relaxed environment with no product commitment can help you with your product development.

Remember: we want to achieve a product that is at least 80 percent developed before market penetration. Once you have penetrated these​new market segments with a firm, robust product you should find your problems of diminishing returns resolved.

“Following a rough break-up last month, I find that I now have a strong urge to write romantic poetry. What is the best way to pour my heart out?”

Everyone goes through this phase in life. It’s something so human that even the most strenuous employee evaluation will forgive it. But just remember, no one these days pays for bad poetry when Facebook provides so much of it for free.

What you need to do is apply your skills to the burgeoning market of technical marketing. Nobody wants to hear about your broken heart; what they want to hear about is how to fix their broken toaster. Imagine yourself at a solid corporate job, pouring your passion out in four different languages, along with tasteful illustrations of intertwined parts. With passages like: “Placement of your Toaster. Gently slide your new Emerson T120 from its protective covering. With the naked toaster in your supple hands, find a location in your kitchen where you can lay down the sleek naked chassis of your new toaster. Grasp the plug firmly in your hands, and jam it in the nearest electrical receptacle. Be careful not to butter your bread before you insert it in either of the two slots available on the Emerson T120, lest it ignite from the flames of passion.”

Or picture yourself at LG, in a sea of cubicles, writing the following: “Turning on your LGTV609 – Gently slide your hand down the inside of the bezel, until your fingertips glide over the sensitive button at the top. Flick the button until your unit has been turned on.”

Not only will you save yourself from embarrassment in 20 years’ time, but you will also find yourself gainfully employed!


Dino Ironbody

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