To the makers of “Taken 3,” I do not know who you are. I do not know what you want. If you are looking for compliments, I do not have any. What I do have are a particular set of writing skills, writing skills that are a nightmare for people like you.
The original “Taken” film was best known for its iconic phone scene, parodied above. My first thought was to make a joke about how the makers of “Taken 3” were phoning this sequel in, but phoning someone implies a certain level of effort and respect. This movie is more like a guy sending you an unsolicited nude on OkCupid.
The days of Liam Neeson making thoughtful entertainment are gone. He used to be the man Hollywood hired when they wanted sophistication and gravitas for films like “Schindler’s List” or “Les Misérables.” He is now the man Hollywood hires when they want an old guy to scowl and shoot at things.
I should clarify that I do enjoy these kinds of movies, and that “Taken 3” has its moments of satisfying action and thrills, but in between those high points, the movie hits some depressingly low ones. “Taken 3” is a boring retread of everything within the first two movies. This is very similar to the way that Neeson’s career is now a boring retread of everything we got from Clint Eastwood.
“Taken 3” is depressing; not just because it is a bad movie, but because I realized halfway through that I actually had more fun watching Neeson share the screen with Jar Jar Binks. I should be having way more fun watching him with fellow award-winner Forrest Whitaker. They deserve better, and we deserve better.
“Taken 3” gets a “please do not make a part 4” out of 5.