FYS to Offer More Than 700 New Titles, Students Flock and Excite
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FYS to Offer More Than 700 New Titles, Students Flock and Excite

After a new change of heart, Gov. Scott Walker has proposed millions of dollars in additional funding for First-Year Seminar courses at all state university campuses.

Each campus will be able to roll out approximately 700 new classes, and Walker hopes more will be added in years to come.

Courses will include titles such as How to Tie Your Shoes: The Knot, Bunny Ears and Beyond; Walking: One Foot in Front of the Other; Breathing: It’s Harder Than You Think; and many, many more.

“I really just want to prepare students for the absolute walk in a park the job market will be when they emerge from the booming educational environment this state provides,” Walker said. “There should be less focus on rigorous academics and more on simple life skills that are sometimes overlooked. I was never offered opportunities such as these, and my education is seriously lacking because of it.”

Administrators agree that these courses could be a historical turning point for higher education.

In light of this proposal, the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point is forgoing construction of the new science building and potential plans for a health center in favor of a multi-billion dollar facility designed specifically for FYS courses.

“This groundbreaking new facility will feature state-of-the-art lab equipment designed to launch students into respectable careers,” said Chancellor Bernie Patterson. “There will be nap mats, thousands of pairs of shoes for practice, elevators for those who haven’t enrolled in the advanced walking course yet, and plenty of other strategic new developments.”

Students are nothing but ecstatic about these new offerings. FYS(2)

“This is just what I need to top off my academic career,” said UWSP bachelor Ryan Kernosky. “I might even stay an additional year and solely take these courses.”

There has even been discussion about forming the classes into a comprehensive FYS major, offering nothing but a top-of-the-line education for the state’s best and brightest.

The UW System will need to embark on a massive nationwide search for individuals qualified enough to teach such courses.

“That search will begin immediately,” Patterson said. “We need to prioritize with this opportunity and embrace this new and improved route.”

 

YourKayla Hillfart

Pointless Editor

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