With the looming threat of Governor Scott Walker’s budget cuts, campus officials have decided to make green by growing green.
Next fall will see the official formation of the marijuana studies major. Students will have the opportunity to enroll in a litany of new classes including covert botany, bong-crafting and a whole class dedicated to movies that align in interesting ways with Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.”
The major will be chaired by Professor Calvin Broadus.
“Yeah, this is going to be a great opportunity for you to impress future employers,” Broadus said. “I am talking to the dean right now about letting our students be the only ones on campus capable of getting a 4.20 grade-point average.”
Professor Broadus also believes everyone in his department will be addicted to the laid back learning experience this new major offers.
“There won’t be any strict schedule to anything,” Broadus said. “Students can just show up whenever really. You can talk out of turn during class, browse Facebook, play video games. Just try not to wake up the professors.”
Many on campus are already buzzed about the news. Owners of the Homegrown Café will deliver their baked goods to marijuana studies classes, and expect their annual profits to quadruple. They figure that if these students sample their goods, they will be hooked for life.
Early estimates suggest a record number of students enrolling in a first-time major, but not everyone is excited about the news.
An anonymous source within the art department expressed this concern, “This might phase us out entirely. I bet that 90 percent of art majors are just going to cut out the middle man and switch to marijuana studies.”
Professor Broadus, however, thinks this is just the kind of spark our university needs.
Ryan Kernosky, senior political science major, wishes he wasn’t graduating this May.
“I’m seriously considering sticking around to double major in poli. sci. and marijuana studies,” Kernosky said. “I hope that eventually everyone switches over to marijuana studies. If that happened, I guarantee you that all of our concerns about Walker’s budget cuts would go up in smoke. Fo’ rizzle.”