Cops are not very popular in America right now, a fact that will not improve with the release of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.” The nation’s epidemic of racist police brutality is not a laughing matter, and neither is this movie.
“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is so unfunny that while I was watching it, I had to periodically tickle myself just to be sure that laughter still existed in the world.
Kevin James returns to the role in the same way that Voldemort returns to life in “Goblet of Fire,” bringing evil and despair to all. After the movie was over, I immediately began searching the globe for horcruxes.
This time around, the Dark Lord Blart brought his reign of terror to Las Vegas. This does not improve things though, because taking an atrocious franchise to a nice new location is like serving a fast food burger on fine china. No matter the setting, it is still a cheesy mess that destroys the heart of anyone who experiences it.
Speaking of food, almost every joke in “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is a cheap shot about weight. Even if you are not sensitive about jokes like that, you should at least be bothered by the obscene lack of originality. Hollywood executives gorging themselves on cash from garbage movies like this have no right to poke fun at anyone else’s gluttony.
In similar spirits, I will stop poking fun now to give “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” the only compliment I can think of: the camera operators at least managed to keep all of the mind-blowingly terrible scenes in proper focus. Good job, folks. High five.
Other than that towering achievement, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” does everything wrong, and real cops should make their suspects watch the movie continuously in order to force confessions. I myself am forced to give this cinematic felony a donut-shaped 0 out of 10.