The Pointer UW-Stevens Point Student Newspaper
Dr. Kristin Neff spent an entire day educating students, community members, teachers and staff on how self-compassion may be the answer to some of life’s greatest challenges.
“My life is pretty much devoted to self-compassion, to writing about it, researching it and teaching people how to practice it in their lives,” Neff said.
Throughout the workshop, attendees were asked to perform various exercises and meditations that revealed how each individual currently treated themselves and how to ensure that self-compassion remained a staple in their lives.
For one of the exercises, Neff asked each person to write down what they say to friends during times of hardship. Next, she asked them to write down what they say to themselves after a personal failure. According to Neff, 76 percent of people say they are significantly kinder, more compassionate and more supportive to others than themselves.
Rylie Simpson, sophomore psychology major, attended the event for both personal gain and academic credit.
“I was hoping to strengthen my self confidence and/or self love because in my opinion no one can have too much,” Simpson said.
Studies have shown that a lack of self-compassion may result in anxiety, depression, stress and perfectionism. While an increase in self-compassion results in life satisfaction, happiness, self-confidence, optimism and gratitude.
Neff emphasized that there is a difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. She explained that for years self-esteem was seen as being directly linked to well-being, however in the 80s and 90s a large amount of literature came out that revealed the hidden downsides of high self-esteem.
The problem was not necessarily having high self-esteem, but rather how people went about getting it.
“There are healthy and unhealthy ways of getting high self-esteem,” Neff said. “One of the big problems, from my point of view, is this: in order to have high or even baseline self-esteem we have to feel special and above average.”
Neff explains this is logically unachieveable, because it is impossible for everyone to be above average at the same time. Another problem with self-esteem is that when a person needs it most, during times of failure or struggle, it abandons them.
This is why Neff believes self-compassion is the perfect alternative to self-esteem.
“Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself positively that’s not all about judging yourself as worthy. It’s about being kind, supportive and understanding of yourself, which is much more stable,” Neff said.
She explains there are three main components of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. This means treating the self with care and understanding rather than harsh judgment, recognizing that everyone faces struggles and imperfections and, lastly, allowing oneself to “be” with painful feelings instead of running from them.
Hanna Grumke, sophomore health promotion major, said, “I was greeted with a humbling reminder that we are all struggling in our own personal ways and it doesn’t always matter what those things are. It matters that we are able to support ourselves as human beings who make mistakes even with the intention of growing and it is in our best interest to support others as well, because no one has it as easy as we may think.”
Grumke said it was nice to learn and practice these tools in a safe environment where she could be honest and vulnerable with those around her.
“I left with an inspiring feeling that I have the ability to create positive change in my emotions and mind no matter how small the steps I need to take are,” Grumke said.
Sophie Stickelmaier
News Editor
sstic520@uwsp.edu
