Booty Work: Left Field, Right Field
Booty in the air. Photo by pervy chick

Booty Work: Left Field, Right Field

With the beginning of spring and April raining down upon the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point’s campus, this time of year also brings the season of booty-licious baseball watching.

What most students snooping for the best vantage point may not realize, is that the most effective way to get butt-close and personal isn’t face flat against the fences on the field, but from the comfort of a lounger in the Suites@201.

Myth has it that when the Suites were built, a group of women and a handful of men started a club strictly for baseball butt watching. It started small, but slowly the group grew in ranks and officially was named The Baseball-Booty Nation, The BB-Nation for short.

For every home game and an occasional practice, this group would get together, pour glasses of wine for prime day drinking pleasure, push together couches, chairs, pillows and beanbags and pass around snacks. Ranks and stats were given about which UWSP player had the best butt game.

Students to this day revel in this tradition.

The best areas for viewing purposes are the first and second floor of the Suites.

An unnamed representative of The BB-Nation states that, “You want to be high enough off the ground to clearly see all those luscious lunges, squats and runs they have, but if you’re any higher than the 3rd floor, you’re missing out on all the action. Unless you have binoculars that is, then by all means, enjoy!”

There have been a few reported problems surrounding The BB-Nation and casual followers of the UWSP baseball team’s rumps. Protective Services released several reports of students not residing in the Suites breaking into other residents homes just to get a better look at the action.

The BB-Nation provided a statement two years ago stating: “We do not condone this behavior in our following, but if anyone needs a space to view the team, our viewing parties are always open to newcomers.”

Some members in the community who have caught on to the trend of baseball booty watching have contacted either their own family members living in the Suites or members of The BB-Nation to go as far as to rent out their living room space to have their own viewing parties.

When the UWSP baseball team was asked about their feelings towards all the attention their backsides have gotten over the past years, most were flattered and took it as a compliment.

One player wishing to stay anonymous said, “It’s hard to believe this is a real phenomenon. I’ve had some girls from The BB-Nation on multiple occasions come up to me or some of the other guys on the team asking if we’d sign photos of our butt! How they got them, I don’t think I want to know, but I was so flattered I had to oblige.”

Not the entire team was thrilled with the message The BB-Nation is sending to the public and those on UWSP’s campus.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate to objectify us in that way,” one anonymous player said. “We practice all day and night to be the best we can at our game, but all anyone seems to care about is our rear ends. It makes it hard to focus. Not to mention The BB-Nation gave me a .200 average on my butt, calling me flat and that I could work on my curve! That’s just plain cruel!”

While it’s clear that The BB-Nation isn’t popular with everyone, the following is still going strong and will likely be here to stay for as long as students and fans have wide eyes and the Suites windows stay clear of drool.

The BB-Nation will continue to spread the rump love and channel the words of Sir Mix A Lot when cheering, “I like big (baseball) butts and I cannot lie!”

 

Bum Liner

Butt Appreciator Extraordinaire

bline696@uwsp.edu

 

*This article was featured in the April Fools 2017 edition of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the writer.

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