Recent students of a psychology 101 class at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point are offering counseling services to supplement the efforts by Delzell Hall.
Kurt Safflower, sophomore fungal society major, is taking the charge on opening the services to other students.
“There has been so much stress on campus, you know, and my classmates thought we could help by just talking with people,” said Safflower.
According to Safflower, there are nine students who all took psychology 101 last semester that feel they are qualified to counsel fellow students.
“I mean, I got a B in the class, but I just feel like I really get people,” he said.
With the rise in political unease and racist events occurring throughout the student body, Safflower is convinced his efforts will work to relieve the tension.
“I’m disgusted that the chancellor is allowing this,” said an angry psychologist at Delzell Hall who wished to remain anonymous. “I went through 12 years of school for this f***ing job, and now some twerp is going to undermine me because they took psych 101? Please.”
Raine Dew is another student who feels she can do an adequate job counseling her peers.
Dew purchased the wicker huts that were kept in the Sundial last year at UWSP’s surplus sales, and plans to set them up in Schmeekle to hold services in.
“I know it became kind of a tradition for people to have drunk sex in those things, but when they were taken down and put up for sale, I couldn’t help myself,” said Dew.
“They are so artsy, and so much real emotion has been felt within their walls I feel they would help draw out emotion from our patients.”
When asked if she would attend a counseling session held by Dew or Safflower in place of her regular counselor at Delzell, Reel Tyme, senior biophysical chemistry major, said, “are you kidding me?”
When told that no, I was not kidding her, she walked away.
“We are offering a free nug of Mary Jane to anyone who comes to see us, then we’ll charge real money for more visits to try to cover the money Raine spent on the wicker huts,” said Safflower.
The class of psych 101 students plans to offer sessions beginning Apr. 20 in an unspecified location within Schmeekle reserve. Contact the group at email@example.com.
Explorer of minds
*This article was featured in the April Fools 2017 edition of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the writer.