Hillary Clinton Makes Last-Ditch Effort for Presidency
Hilary's campaign posters around campus. Photo by Jim Tom

Hillary Clinton Makes Last-Ditch Effort for Presidency

Hillary Clinton, former First Lady, Secretary of State and Democratic Presidential nominee, just announced her intentions to run for president of the Student Government Association.

SGA at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point is holding elections next week for a new president and vice president, but Clinton has not strapped down a VP running-mate yet.

“She asked me to run with her this time, but I just think the people will feel it’s too little too late,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren, who was a public favorite for Clinton’s presidential ticket in 2016.

It has been rumored that Clinton has asked several representatives to support her and be her running-mate at UWSP but all have declined.

“I think she’s just power-hungry at this point and not afraid to let it show,” said Libby Lefttes, junior political science major. “She could actually win though. The other candidates should be worried.”

There are three other tickets that have been campaigning for weeks for the position, including Nes Etteip, who is also running for president.

“She doesn’t even go here,” Etteip said about his competition.

While it is true that Clinton is not technically a student at UWSP, she said she intends on registering for an entry-level course next semester, when the term would begin.

Chelsea Clinton, Hillary’s daughter and campaign manager for the SGA presidency, released the following statement about the allegations about her mother being unqualified for the position:

“Although my mom has had some mishaps in the legitimacy of her campaign, she will be fully qualified in time for the term to begin after her win.”

Opinions across campus have varied widely.

“I think Clinton running SGA would be great, she would scare the administration into doing whatever we wanted,” said Ricky Altern, freshman hunting major.

On the other end of the spectrum, sophomore tree psychology major, Alicia Soller, said she would bet money on Clinton paying someone to take that class for her.

“She is still a politician, and a dishonest one at that. Did everyone forget about those emails?” Soller said.

While Clinton’s campaign has stirred up political opinions to a similar degree as the presidential election in Nov. 2016, UWSP will have to sit back and see what happens.

“I’m really looking forward to having control of something,” said Clinton.

 

Chillary Klinton

UWSP “student”

chilltimeklinton@uwsp.edu

 

*This article was featured in the April Fools 2017 edition of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the writer.

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