On Friday, March 24 around 10:45 p.m., freshman undeclared major Jason Jaysin was reported contemplating using a meal swipe or dawg dollars on a purchase of $3.66 at Lower Debot.
With only fifteen minutes to closing, Lower Debot was quite busy.
Jaysin was about second in line when he decided to do some mental math about what he was going to buy.
In his hands were french fries and whatever drink was still in stock. Jaysin decided to use the calculator on his phone to figure out what the total cost would be.
Unfortunately, the grease on his fingers wouldn’t let him use his phone so he moved into the front of the line blind.
The cashier scanned in the items and let out an audible sigh and mumbled something about french fries.
“$3.66,” said cashier man.
Jaysin, out of habit, took out his I.D.
The cashier man said, “Swipe or dawg dollars?”
There was a moment of silence followed by a drawn out “uhh” from Jaysin.
The other students waiting behind him in line were not happy about the holdup.
Pernie Batterson, sophomore chemistry major, had a chicken tender wrap and a can of Peace Tea. After standing behind Jaysin in line, Batterson was really peeved.
“Honestly, I’m blazed out of my mind right now and just want to buy this wrap and get out of here,” said Batterson.
Other students didn’t understand what the problem was.
Lilly Rose, freshman communications major, said, “I don’t understand why he doesn’t just grab some candy or fruit to top it off at $5.”
While Jaysin struggled going back and forth on the two choices, the other line was moving quickly.
“On one hand, if I use dawg dollars that would be a lot for one purchase. But on the other hand, if I use a swipe then I’ll be wasting over a dollar,” said Jaysin.
After about four minutes of internal deliberation, Jaysin decided to just use a swipe.
“I’m worried I might lose sleep over remorse from wasting money here,” said Jaysin “I suppose if the UWSP administration can sleep easy every night after wasteful spending then so can I.”
In times like these, we should never be swiping on purchases under four dollars.
To those looking to waste other people’s time, Lower Debot will be open 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. every day of the week.
Lower Debot Specialist
*This article was featured in the April Fools 2017 edition of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the writer.