The Pointer UW-Stevens Point Student Newspaper
Wisconsin residents will no longer wear cheeseheads, tour cheese factories, visit dairy farms or drink milk again.
Holding the title of “America’s Dairy State” since the 1700’s, Wisconsin finally lost its dairy credibility to California.
The news came as shock to the entire country. America’s new dairy state will now be California because all cows have migrated to California to live a better life.
Madonna MooMoo, former resident at Central Wisconsin’s Dairy Farm, is now moving to California with her cow-mates.
“I’m moving to California because I have always wanted to travel out of this snowy tundra. I’m even hoping to soak up the sun and work on my tan,” MooMoo said.
The migration took place last month when dairy cows from across Wisconsin decided they were sick of the back and forth weather.
Dan Grizzly, mountain man from Colorado, witnessed the herd of cattle traveling from Wisconsin to California.
“I was out hunting for dinner when I couldn’t believe what I saw. Millions of cattle climbing the mountains instead of going all the way around because they wanted to get to California quicker,” Grizzly said.
The traveling cattle caused roadblocks on busy highways, avalanches in the mountains and made national headlines.
Wisconsin residents are devastated that they will no longer be “America’s Dairy State,” and refuse to purchase dairy products from California ‘happy cows.’
Not sure what will become of Wisconsin, Chester Gouda decided to make the most of this opportunity.
Gouda runs a family-owned cheese factory and recently invested in 6 million goats to continue the business.
“Part of life is having obstacles, it’s overcoming them that brings the greatest joy,” Gouda said. “I like to look for the positive in any situation. When life gives you goats, make goat cheese.”
Gouda and his family hope to become the first and only business to monopolize on goat cheese by one day making Wisconsin “America’s Goat State.”
Ashley Asiago
Reporter
udderlyunbelieveable@moo.com
*This article was featured in the April Fools 2017 edition of The Pointer and is completely satirical with the creative license at the discretion of the writer.
