PointLess

UWSP Cuts Liberal Arts Majors to Keep Natural Resources Majors Only

[Editor’s Note: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.] What was once proposed in 2018 has now become reality! On March 18, 2023, UWSP officially became a school of natural resources, and natural resources only. The programs scheduled for elimination–which are some of the highest ... Read More »

Campus Fencing Group Election Leads to All-Out Brawl

[Editor’s Note: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.] On Monday, February 20, discussion over leadership turned violent when determining the election results for UWSP’s medieval combat club, Falcon’s Gate, with an impressive display of force in Champions Hall. Dozens of the campus’ finest warriors ... Read More »

The Attack of the Campus Squirrels

[Editor’s Note: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.] UWSP students and faculty recently noted that the harmless campus squirrels have turned rather mean. The reports started Thursday, March 23, when a student came to class with a small bite mark on the bridge of ... Read More »

Vivarium Animals on the Loose

[Editor’s Note: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.] The Herpetology Club of UWSP announced that the reptiles in the vivarium escaped on April 1. Faculty and students expressed concern about these animals running loose around the TNR building. People should look out for a ... Read More »

Nestlé CEO Announces Company’s Act of Goodwill

[Editor’s Note: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.] Nestlé’s CEO Mark Schneider announced in a press conference last Thursday that the company will be returning all their water supply back to the springs and groundwater wells on Feb. 23, 2023. Billions of gallons of ... Read More »

Pointless: Donating Plasma is a Governmental Scheme to Collect Data on the People

[A Note from the Editor: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. No information here has any intended basis on existing fact.] The debate of ethicality regarding plasma donations for money has circled around for some time now, especially in places that are abundant in college students who need the money after funneling all their money into the education ... Read More »

Pointless: A True Mock Draft: The First Ten Picks of the NFL Draft

[A Note from the Editor: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. No information here has any intended basis on existing fact.] 1. Cincinnati Bengals – Quarterback Joe Burrow                               The Bengals make the safe pick here that any team (outside of the Browns, maybe) wouldn’t mess up. Similarly, they take a quarterback that only the Browns could ruin ... Read More »

Pointless: Summer Olympic Games Will Continue Through Nintendo Switch

[A Note from the Editor: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. No information here has any intended basis on existing fact.] Despite earlier statements, the International Olympics Committee will continue ahead with the 2020 Summer Olympics as originally scheduled – virtually! As the spread of the COVID-19 virus has forced world governments to enact social distancing regulations for ... Read More »

Pointless: Pointer Profile – Simon Snoozer

Sport: Sleeping Year: Senior Major: Psychology Hometown: Miami, FL How long have you been sleeping competitively? I’ve been sleeping competitively since my freshman year in high school. I always slept about 12-14 hours a day, I just decided to start competing against my classmates. No one could sleep as long as me. That’s how I knew this was my passion. ... Read More »

Pointless: Wisconsin’s “Essential” Businesses Spark Controversy

[A Note from the Editor: The Pointless is the Pointer’s annual satirical article. No information here has any intended basis on existing fact.] By Missy Rona As the Coronavirus spreads throughout America, only businesses considered essential are permitted to stay open. However, what makes a business essential? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “essential” as something being of “the utmost ... Read More »