Stevie and Stephanie: Trouble in Paradise?
[Editor’s Note: This article is a part of The Pointer’s annual satirical April Fools’ edition, the Pointless. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.]
After three months of holy matrimony, Stevie and Stephanie Pointer have officially filed for divorce. This news came to light by a public twitter statement made by Stephanie Pointer.
Stevie and Stephanie were reunited back in September 2024 when the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point brought her out of retirement to celebrate homecoming.
During this time, they made their relationship official. Only two weeks later, the couple eloped with the blessing of Mayor Mike Wiza.
Now, this once-happy couple has begun divorce proceedings, with claims of affairs, heartbreak, and financial troubles coming to light.
“He ruined me, used me, and I will not be silent,” Stephanie Pointer said, echoing her promises to “take all he’s worth.”
Stephanie is now lawyered up with the same team of lawyers that represented Johnny Depp in the infamous Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard case.
It did not take long for problems to arise in the marriage. Stevie Pointer was caught in a secret love affair with the retired UWSP Mad Dog mascot. Along with that, bank statements revealed Stevie’s crippling gambling problem.
When Stephanie learned about these incidents, she immediately filed for divorce and kicked Stevie out. Stevie now resides on a crusty couch in Mike Wiza’s basement.
Stephanie also went on a Twitter (X) rampage, tweeting over 100 times about the matter.
The designated hockey mascot, Mad Dog, is now in an official relationship with Stevie. “Stevie has taken a beating from all of the media—a wonderful soul crushed by fake news and his evil ex, Stephanie,” Mad Dog said.
Stevie Pointer is now in a depressive state, unseen by the public in days. Sources close to him say, “I’ve never seen a spirit crushed like this. Even worse, he didn’t sign a prenup.”
The court date is set for Stephanie and Stevie to battle it out. As it stands now, Stephanie is projected to win the house, his Stormy Kromer cap, and all major assets.
“You know, you never know how broken someone can be till you marry them,” Stephanie said. “I hope that little fruit loop is happy now, and I hope Mad Dog makes enough to cover all his debt.”
This love triangle has shaken up the drama in this small central Wisconsin town. There is no end in sight; the fight has just begun.
Gwen Pabich
News Reporter
