Food Fight Bans Baked Potatoes from Campus. 

[Editor’s Note: This article is a part of The Pointer’s annual satirical April Fools’ edition, the Pointless. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.]

A Food fight broke out at Upper Debot Dining Center on March 25 after a game of hot potato got out of hand and injured 15 students in Upper Debot Dining Center on March 25. Upper Debot announced it is banning all baked potatoes from its menu, effective immediately. 

A group of students who had been eating at the Dining Center decided to play a friendly game of hot potato, but it quickly deteriorated.

“One minute I saw them grabbing baked potatoes as normal, the next I was dodging baked potatoes with frying pans,” said Sous chef Beau Logan.  

After several friendly rounds of tossing the hot potatoes to each other, the students began throwing the potatoes across the dining hall. Others joined in, tossing hot foods such as spaghetti, meatballs, burgers, hot sandwiches, and anything they could get their hands on.  

One student, Artie Chokie, said “I had my phone watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and I looked up and I thought I got sucked into the real thing.”  

After others started throwing food, Span Thompson took a pan straight from a well and threw scalding hot mac and cheese at James Kraft, leaving third-degree burns on the Krafts face. Currently, he is at the Plover Medical Facility receiving care.  

Ukon Golden was sent to Urgent Care after he was hit in the eye with a hot potato. Frank Bratz was treated for minor burns after a pan of hot dogs landed on his face. Jiffy Smuck suffered an allergic reaction from a flying peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

The other 10 students’ injuries ranged from a broken ankle from slipping on a banana peel, burnt by boiling broth, stitches needed after a plate broke, and more students are being studied to determine how they got kidney stones, gallbladder issues, blood pressure crash, and some that can’t be listed. 

While baked potatoes will no longer be offered, Dining Services confirmed that mashed potatoes will remain on the menu as they are significantly harder to throw.

The hot potato game is now banned from all of campus, and baked potatoes are removed from the menu. Further safety procedures will be communicated soon to prevent recurrence. 

Abigail Holmes  

News Reporter  

aholm452@uwsp.edu