Mad Dog Announces UN Retirement – Stevie and Mad Dog Heated Rivalry?
Ethan Laufenberg/Photo
[Editor’s Note: This article is a part of The Pointer’s annual satirical April Fools’ edition, the Pointless. Pointless stories should not be taken seriously on April Fool’s Day or any other.]
In this new bombshell, Mad Dog has announced that he is coming out of retirement!
The students around campus are shocked and outraged!
Alumni who love Mad Dog are ecstatic, filled with happiness at seeing their beloved mascot. They are thrilled that he wants to come back and is capable of not disappointing.
The Pointer was able to transcribe Stevie and Mad’s dogs latest press conference.
“Why do you always have to stir stuff up? What we already do is risky enough…” Stevie glares at Mad Dog, crossing his arms.
“Please! You’re the one who’s a job thief! And you love me.”
“Yeah, I kind of do…unfortunately…”
“Besides, someone has to uphold the standards expected of mascots. You do a terrible job. What, did you skip Mascot 101?”
“There is no such thing as ‘Mascot 101.’”
“You are such a rookie! Maybe you should let the more experienced-”
Stevie rolls his eyes, pulling Mad Dog closer. “Please, old man, you wish you were me! I’m better than you in every way imaginable.”
“You have five seconds to take that back…or else!”
“What? You’ll take my job, old man? Please! As if! Maybe when pigs fly or we actually win a football game.”
Mad Dog has Stevie pinned against the wall. “Should I read the rest of that article to you? It praises my…experience.” Mad Dog smirks at Stevie, leaning closer. “And my effortless skill.”
“I know you have both experience and skill. Very well, actually…”
Some fans, who have seen both of them in public over the years, have said that there might be something deeper going on.
Tessa Krause
Contributor
tkrau957@uwsp.edu
